Why?

Why are we adopting? How did we get to this point? Here we are just a few months from getting a referral and I stand amazed.

For me, adopting a child was always something I dreamed about doing. When I was a little girl I would wish and pray that someone would leave a baby on our doorstep. I would pretend that I found a baby in the woods behind our house. I would tell my mom that I was never getting married and I was going to adopt Korean kids.

The dream faded a bit after I grew up, got married and had three wonderful biological children. Bill and I talked about one day we might adopt a child, but only if the circumstances were just right. I seriously uttered these words, "We are done." Our family was complete, so we thought. We liked having "big" kids.

Several years ago, I started feeling like God was up to something in our family. I would even tell the kids and Bill, I felt like God wanted to do something great in our family, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. Time passed and I still felt God nudging us toward something.

After we moved to Doha, my eyes were opened to so much more of the world. We hired Mekdes, our Ethiopian housekeeper. I traveled to Ethiopia to volunteer in an orphanage. I began to read more about adoption on the Internet and talked with my sister about adopting. She and her family had been part of an orphan ministry to Ukrainian children for several years. It slowly became obvious to me that adoption is where God had been leading us. I was so nervous to tell Bill about the feelings I was having. I finally got my nerve up and was so happy when he said "Yes". He thought we should start investigating the possibilities. We knew by the end of 2007 that we would soon begin the process to adopt.

At first we looked into adopting from Korea or another Asian country, feeling that would be the best fit for our family. But, my heart was in Ethiopia with the children I met there. It became pretty obvious that Ethiopia was where we should look for our child.

We had our homestudy in February 2008. We had to fly a social worker here from Germany. The homestudy was important for us. It helped direct what age child we would seek. The in depth personal histories we wrote helped sort out our feelings and expectations regarding adoption. Our social worker recommended and approved us to adopt 1 or 2 children under 7 years old. After that we began collecting all the documents we needed to compile our dossier and complete our homestudy. It was not an easy task living over here in Doha. We made multiple trips to the US Embassy and the local police station for fingerprints and clearances. Communicating with limited English police officers that we needed these fingerprints to adopt a child, got me sent to the line for getting a birth certificate. One time, I got so frustrated with the US Embassy that I burst into tears in front of the clerk and everyone else in the waiting room.

When we went home in the summer, I told my Mom of our plans. I was a little nervous about her reaction, but I had covered the conversation in prayer and she was supportive and asked a lot of good questions. We were completely finished with all the paperwork by August. There were some minor hiccups along the way, like our homestudy was dated incorrectly, but our dossier was complete and mailed to Ethiopia on August 21.

We were now on the waiting list for a little boy or girl 3-6 years old. The waiting period has been so good for me. As we have waited it became clear to me that I was longing for a little girl. It also became clear that it was OK with me if she was a very little girl, even a baby. Initially, I was terrified of starting over with a baby. I turn 40 in January! We have no baby things anymore. But, God calmed all those fears and brought Bill on board, too. So, now it is entirely in His hands. Our request is for a little girl, 0-6 years old. We may get a kindergartner or we may get a newborn. Only God knows right now.

Waiting has also confirmed for me our decision. A lot of things I read suggested the main reason you should adopt is a desire to parent a child. Other reasons play a role, like wanting to "help", making a difference in the life of a child, giving something back, etc. are all good things, but the main reason to adopt is you want to parent. Initially it was hard for me to grasp this. I felt called to adopt. I felt like we could love another child. I knew we could support another child. I knew that God loves adoption! What waiting is doing for me, is sealing my desire to parent this child. After waiting, a few months since our dossier was finished, but really over a year since we started the process, I am longing for this child. Longing to meet her, longing to love her and longing to be her mother.